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What brings you to this lonely place
to gaze into antiquity?
What bends your eye and makes you see
the ancient lights - hidden to so many?
What restless ghosts
awaken you to secret skies?
What whispers draw you out
into the corridors of perpetuity?
Oh what a clever trick!
To capture chaos in a box.
Define infinity in ones and naught
and trap eternity within your lens.
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while i like the poem it does feel lat odds with the title, play. it feels more akin to astronomy (which i suppose entails photography to some extent, ) when i think of photography as a craft i always think of film, i see everything is digital now so my observation is probably just me being old school (about photography) my first point isn't i really do get a feel of astronomy from the piece much more so than camera work. all that said i enjoyed the write.
thanks for the read tommy
(05-15-2013, 01:56 PM)Tommy Wrote: What brings you to this lonely place
to gaze into antiquity?
What bends your eye and makes you see i like the use of bends and lights, it feels like not only are we looking back but we're doing so along a curve of gravity drawn light beams
the ancient lights - hidden to so many? hidden to so many feels a bit forced. doesn't everyone see the stars?
What restless ghosts i googled restless ghost for fun and got 3,590,000 hits. it may just possible be a cliche 
awaken you to secret skies?
What whispers draw you out
into the corridors of perpetuity?
Oh what a clever trick!
To capture chaos in a box. this is a great image, it reminds me of the brownie camera, and makes me imagine the universe within its confines.
Define infinity in ones and naught
and trap eternity within your lens. an image of an image, good finish,
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(05-15-2013, 02:36 PM)billy Wrote: while i like the poem it does feel lat odds with the title, play. it feels more akin to astronomy (which i suppose entails photography to some extent, ) when i think of photography as a craft i always think of film, i see everything is digital now so my observation is probably just me being old school (about photography) my first point isn't i really do get a feel of astronomy from the piece much more so than camera work. all that said i enjoyed the write.
thanks for the read tommy
(05-15-2013, 01:56 PM)Tommy Wrote: What brings you to this lonely place
to gaze into antiquity?
What bends your eye and makes you see i like the use of bends and lights, it feels like not only are we looking back but we're doing so along a curve of gravity drawn light beams
the ancient lights - hidden to so many? hidden to so many feels a bit forced. doesn't everyone see the stars?
What restless ghosts i googled restless ghost for fun and got 3,590,000 hits. it may just possible be a cliche
awaken you to secret skies?
What whispers draw you out
into the corridors of perpetuity?
Oh what a clever trick!
To capture chaos in a box. this is a great image, it reminds me of the brownie camera, and makes me imagine the universe within its confines.
Define infinity in ones and naught
and trap eternity within your lens. an image of an image, good finish, I wish I could show you the photo's Billy then you'd understand. Is it possible to post a pic?
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post it in the sewer the pig's arse or the general discussion 
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I enjoyed this a lot, the last stanza in particular is very well composed. The only lines that I'm not taken with are; "What restless ghosts,
awaken you to secret skies?". Just feels a bit redundant. Great work, look forward to reading more from you 
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It's a really great idea, I like how you've fitted in the semantic field without it being unnatural. I agree with the 'hidden to so many' - perhaps you could talk about how everybody sees the stars, but only some understand the constellations and patterns? It might have been what you were aiming for.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
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(05-15-2013, 05:57 PM)Catcherin Wrote: I enjoyed this a lot, the last stanza in particular is very well composed. The only lines that I'm not taken with are; "What restless ghosts,
awaken you to secret skies?". Just feels a bit redundant. Great work, look forward to reading more from you Thank you for your comment. I see your point.
(05-15-2013, 11:44 PM)UnicornRainbowCake Wrote: It's a really great idea, I like how you've fitted in the semantic field without it being unnatural. I agree with the 'hidden to so many' - perhaps you could talk about how everybody sees the stars, but only some understand the constellations and patterns? It might have been what you were aiming for.
I wrote this poem about a friend who takes amazing night photos of the stars usually with something in the foreground to give the shot perspective. A lot of times he uses very old buildings (hence the ghosts). His shots expose so many more stars than you can see with the naked eye and way way more than you can see if you are anywhere close to a city which most people are, but even more than that, he has a knack for knowing where to take a shot. Where most people would whiz on past in their car he stops and stays a little longer and looks a little deeper. He recognizes something most people don't. Poets do the same thing, differently. Thank you Cake.
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(05-15-2013, 01:56 PM)Tommy Wrote: What brings you to this lonely place
to gaze into antiquity?
What bends your eye and makes you see
the ancient lights - hidden to so many?
What restless ghosts
awaken you to secret skies?
What whispers draw you out
into the corridors of perpetuity? This stanza makes me agree with billy on the astronomy aspect
Oh what a clever trick!
To capture chaos in a box.
Define infinity in ones and naught
and trap eternity within your lens.what if you took out "within your lens". I think its over stating and sounds stronger with just "trap eternity" as the end.
Great premise for a poem, trapping a moment in time and making it eternal. Great read. Thanks.
“We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
― Konstantin Josef Jireček
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(05-17-2013, 11:05 AM)poeticdancer Wrote: (05-15-2013, 01:56 PM)Tommy Wrote: What brings you to this lonely place
to gaze into antiquity?
What bends your eye and makes you see
the ancient lights - hidden to so many?
What restless ghosts
awaken you to secret skies?
What whispers draw you out
into the corridors of perpetuity? This stanza makes me agree with billy on the astronomy aspect
Oh what a clever trick!
To capture chaos in a box.
Define infinity in ones and naught
and trap eternity within your lens.what if you took out "within your lens". I think its over stating and sounds stronger with just "trap eternity" as the end.
Great premise for a poem, trapping a moment in time and making it eternal. Great read. Thanks.
Thank you for commenting.
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