Absent hearted

[Being human]

Hi, my name's Anas and I just turned 18

Additional info

English isn't my first language, but I like writing and reading poems, I wish to surprise my love my sending her this poem I have written for her while she was away for a while, I wrote it all at one go, I want it to be good enough to mke her smile, good or bad she would anywAy appreciate my efforts but this time I'd like to make it lil more special, I hope you guys will help me out, thanks !

Poem
''• Solitude had never hurt me so much ever before
• With time I’ve loved you more and more
• I was lonely many times but never alone
• Separation from you is what crumbles this heart of stone

• Togetherness was plenty, separations were few
• Yet can’t do without you for a minute or even two
• The pain of disunion again shatters my heart
• This Isn’t clichéd my love nor exaggeration, I’m really that torn apart

• Love so true and deep, only next to divine
• There is no vanity in her love or mine
• Faith in fate and in serendipity
• I trust my love but I doubt my destiny

• Never did I know this irrational feeling that my heart cant tame
• Pouring altruism is the one to blame
• Never did selflessness made any sense
• But now it does, brings out love’s essence

• True that absence makes the heart grow fonder
• But it also hurts my head and makes me ponder
• Though it hurts but it also heals
• Soothes frustration desperation it conceals


• False is that she is my weakness, her absence is
• She my strength and her love a bliss
• How much I love her often impairs me
• I love it but it also scares me

• Now what I need the most is her tight embrace
• Her presence setting everything in place
• My world resuming, she making it all fine
• With her mesmerizing smile and her lips sliding past mine

Note:- Any ideas for the title?
And any help with the order of stanzas? I altered them a bit, the draft was a bit different, but I need a second opinion.
Id bw grateful if You figure out the Grammatical errors, basic ones only, I don't need detailed check on that, it's not for any school/college work, thanks

[rowens]

Is she a native English speaker? And why the dots, and the quotation marks?

[Being human]

Is she a native English speaker? And why the dots, and the quotation marks?

No she isn't, oh sorry about that quotation mark, I'm online via a mobile so a bit of typos, dots just for better arrangement.

[rowens]

A lot of things would need to be worked on. And the dots kind of distract.

[Being human]

A lot of things would need to be worked on. And the dots kind of distract.

Oh is it so, bummer
I'm sorry for the dots, anyways, yeah I know it's not really up to the mark according to standards people have set here, but as I said, I'd like to know just really important things that I should be working on and again this isn't for any project or anything like that just few sentences woven in an effort to show my love how I felt when she was away, just a tiny bit of effort from my side to make her smile

[rowens]

Solitude has never hurt so much before
I’ve come to love you more and more

Though still simple, those two lines work better like that. All the lines could use that sort of smoothing out.


I was lonely many times but never alone

Things start to get more complicated with the line above. About being alone with her, or is it something else you mean?

Maybe if you get to a computer, you can try to smooth things out a little more.

[Being human]

Solitude has never hurt so much before
I’ve come to love you more and more

Though still simple, those two lines work better like that. All the lines could use that sort of smoothing out.


I was lonely many times but never alone

Things start to get more complicated with the line above. About being alone with her, or is it something else you mean?

Maybe if you get to a computer, you can try to smooth things out a little more.

Well thank you for your feedback, really appreciate it, first time so sort of nervous and excited at the same time.

Coming back to the point, well m not sure what you mean by "smoothing out", As in the rhyme or the sentences as a whole?

The intent was to convey that though I like solitude and seclusion and loneliness has never caused me any pain but it is only the separation from her makes me feel alone [trying to depict the difference between lonely And alone through it]

I'd be very grateful to you if you point out more specific things and help out a rookie with your vast experience, anyways this was pretty helpful too, thanks again

[rowens]

The wording needs to be smoothed out first. All of it makes sense. But most of the lines have problems.

I might can say more, if somebody else doesn't first, when I have something to drink. For some reason my vision gets less blurry when I'm drinking. And I can concentrate better.