My last walk

[Keith]

As I stepped off the building,
the world turned through 90 degrees
and I strolled past neighbours windows,
looking down inside their rooms
warm, bright, family life behind glass.

Vibrant with activity, sit down meals,
office workers greeted with kisses,
children fighting over the tv remote,
dog stretched out in front of the fire,
siblings giggling with bath time bubbles,
passionate couples arguing over nothing,
bodies showering away the days grime,
dad wrestling with three little monsters,
a lady near the ground floor even waved.

As I stepped onto the pavement
I said “my world isn’t too bad”
But I was walking faster than I thought.

I left the note under a rock,
so it didn’t blow away.

[Magpie]

I'm not too sure how to comment on this because of the fact that I don't quite get the last bit, which is entirely my fault, but at the same time I didn't want to see it slip off the first page because I really do like it. I like the images and the descriptions of what is seen and I especially like the first three lines for their casual effective simplicity if that makes sense.
Thanks for the read
AR

[Keith]

I'm not too sure how to comment on this because of the fact that I don't quite get the last bit, which is entirely my fault, but at the same time I didn't want to see it slip off the first page because I really do like it. I like the images and the descriptions of what is seen and I especially like the first three lines for their casual effective simplicity if that makes sense.
Thanks for the read
AR

Hi AR
Thanks for the comment, you are the reader so nothing is your fault, this is about suicide. Best TOMH

[Magpie]

I'm not too sure how to comment on this because of the fact that I don't quite get the last bit, which is entirely my fault, but at the same time I didn't want to see it slip off the first page because I really do like it. I like the images and the descriptions of what is seen and I especially like the first three lines for their casual effective simplicity if that makes sense.
Thanks for the read
AR

Hi AR
Thanks for the comment, you are the reader so nothing is your fault, this is about suicide. Best TOMH

Hi again,
I've just read your comment this second and part me feels a bit daft for not getting and another part of me is so glad that I said something if anything because now I think it's excellent.
It was the note line that threw, probably because I was looking too hard. But all the other stuff I got, like the turn through 90 degrees and the juxtaposition of "my world isn't too bad".
It reminds very much of a Sylvia Plath poem in it's intent.
Good stuff.
Thanks for being tolerant, I'll get there slowly.
Best AR

[billy]

no line by from me, i did like the poem and i suppose from the last couplet i should have gotten it was a suicide but i didn't, i think what threw me was the abseil, (which is usually done with a rope) i enjoyed the triviality of it all which is probably how the suicide saw the world. the couplet is excellent given the context of the poem, i wonder if the title takes us too far away from the act

[Catcherin]

This is a brilliant poem. The simple descriptions of of people and there loved ones/day to day activities seem detached from the jumper. It seemed to me to stress all the simple fundamentals that they wouldn't/couldn't have, but then the second line of the 3rd stanza seems to denote some sort of regret? I loved the wording, its very relaxed, almost tranquil in its description of such a horrible event.

[Keith]

no line by from me, i did like the poem and i suppose from the last couplet i should have gotten it was a suicide but i didn't, i think what threw me was the abseil, (which is usually done with a rope) i enjoyed the triviality of it all which is probably how the suicide saw the world. the couplet is excellent given the context of the poem, i wonder if the title takes us too far away from the act

Too far away, I agree have took your suggestion and changed the title, thanks Billy

---

This is a brilliant poem. The simple descriptions of of people and there loved ones/day to day activities seem detached from the jumper. It seemed to me to stress all the simple fundamentals that they wouldn't/couldn't have, but then the second line of the 3rd stanza seems to denote some sort of regret? I loved the wording, its very relaxed, almost tranquil in its description of such a horrible event.

Thanks for your considered reply Catcherin glad you picked up on the would/ could not have as this was my intention and the regret too late. thanks TOMH