As Pygmalion

[Zerric]

O Maiden fair! O Apparition!
Bound by love and superstition,
slowly, as these lines were written,
enraptured, was the poet smitten,
captured, by your beauty, was he,
sitting, wishing for one moment,
you would come and ease his torment,
and awaken from this dormant
sleep, within this rhyme and sonnet,
from the sheet and ink upon it,
and like a tragic tale of magic,
walk in through his chamber door,
like Galatea in days of yore,
Oh Eleanor, My Eleanor,
in my mind and nothing more...

[rowens]

walk in through his chamber door,
like Galatea in days of yore,
Oh Eleanor, My Eleanor,
in my mind and nothing more...


Starting with those lines, you've got hooked on the jingle without the philosophy of composition. Not that you should necessarily follow either one.

[Pilgrim]

O Maiden fair! O Apparition!
Bound by love and superstition,
slowly, as these lines were written,
enraptured, was the poet smitten,
captured, by your beauty, was he,
sitting, wishing for one moment,
you would come and ease his torment,
and awaken from this dormant
sleep, within this rhyme and sonnet,
from the sheet and ink upon it,
and like a tragic tale of magic,
walk in through his chamber door,
like Galatea in days of yore,
Oh Eleanor, My Eleanor,
in my mind and nothing more...

Hello, Zerric.

Let’s see. Pygmalion was a sculptor who, while not generally interested in women, fell in love with a statue he had created. Thereafter, having made offerings to Venus and secretly wished for a bride who would be just like the statue, found on his return home that his wish had been granted. Etc …

So, really, it was a sculptor rather than a poet who was smitten. Which might (or might not) suggest some textual changes to your poem.

For some (mandatory) nits, I thought some of your rhymes were a little forced, and there seemed to be some disconnection between the coming in and the going out of your poem as a whole. But perhaps I was missing something?

Regards,

Pilgrim.

[Zerric]

Hello, Zerric.

Let’s see. Pygmalion was a sculptor who, while not generally interested in women, fell in love with a statue he had created. Thereafter, having made offerings to Venus and secretly wished for a bride who would be just like the statue, found on his return home that his wish had been granted. Etc …

So, really, it was a sculptor rather than a poet who was smitten. Which might (or might not) suggest some textual changes to your poem.

Yea Pygmalion was a sculptor...but the poem is not about Pygmalion. Its about falling in love with something you create just As Pygmalion did, in this case, a poet writing a poem about a girl.

For some (mandatory) nits, I thought some of your rhymes were a little forced, and there seemed to be some disconnection between the coming in and the going out of your poem as a whole. But perhaps I was missing something?

If I may ask, which lines sounded forced to you? And Eleanor is...well lets just say she's my muse. I can understand that maybe the fact that its very open in the beginning and then ends with such a personal note might seem like a disconnect, but that was why I wrote the poem in 3rd person, except the last two lines, which are in 1st person.

Starting with those lines, you've got hooked on the jingle without the philosophy of composition. Not that you should necessarily follow either one.

I'm not sure what you mean. Those are the last lines of the poem. There's nothing that starts with those lines, cuz the poem ends with em
plus I'm not really sure what you mean about the philosophy of composition either...

[Pilgrim]

Hello, Zerric.

Let’s see. Pygmalion was a sculptor who, while not generally interested in women, fell in love with a statue he had created. Thereafter, having made offerings to Venus and secretly wished for a bride who would be just like the statue, found on his return home that his wish had been granted. Etc …

So, really, it was a sculptor rather than a poet who was smitten. Which might (or might not) suggest some textual changes to your poem.

Yea Pygmalion was a sculptor...but the poem is not about Pygmalion. Its about falling in love with something you create just As Pygmalion did, in this case, a poet writing a poem about a girl.

For some (mandatory) nits, I thought some of your rhymes were a little forced, and there seemed to be some disconnection between the coming in and the going out of your poem as a whole. But perhaps I was missing something?

If I may ask, which lines sounded forced to you? And Eleanor is...well lets just say she's my muse. I can understand that maybe the fact that its very open in the beginning and then ends with such a personal note might seem like a disconnect, but that was why I wrote the poem in 3rd person, except the last two lines, which are in 1st person.

Starting with those lines, you've got hooked on the jingle without the philosophy of composition. Not that you should necessarily follow either one.

I'm not sure what you mean. Those are the last lines of the poem. There's nothing that starts with those lines, cuz the poem ends with em
plus I'm not really sure what you mean about the philosophy of composition either...

Hello, Zerric.

I thought smitten was somewhat out of alignment with the sentiments being expressed at this point.

Dormant and sleep are tautological, but amendment is, I think, going to pose problems in the next several lines.

Regards,

Pilgrim.

[rowens]

Edgar Poe starts to come out in those last lines. The tired Poe.

[Zerric]

Edgar Poe starts to come out in those last lines. The tired Poe.

I guess he's been 'resurrected' a lot...

[rowens]

He wrote an essay that claims to explain what he put into "The Raven". Some people figured the poem was all nonsense.

[Zerric]

Ah...so that's what you meant by the philosophy of composition. I didn't realize he planned it to that degree.

"a poem that should suit at once the popular and the critical taste." Words to live by...or at least write by...

[rowens]

It's more than just arbitrary rhymes. A lot more symbolism is going on in that poem, "The Raven". Though not as rigidly as Poe and Baudelaire claim when they attack emotional inspiration. Their occasional attacks on inspiration contradict their actions, and is just part of their philosophical schtick. That's what I say after having used both of them as characters in my own stories.

It could be you're using those last lines as allusions. But it would probably be best if they were something else. Since they're so close to that old poem.