Despite Taking The Road Less Traveled Revised

[thatguyfromacrossthestreet]

This poem is for a small scholarship that I am trying to win. Have at it.
Despite Taking the Road Less Traveled

You strive to be the Number One,
Yet always end up last.
Glean behind the reapers, son,
And work for me till work is done
And first learn from the past.

We take this past for naught;
We don't learn from it's mistakes.
We strive to be their only thought,
Yet give up because we find we've wrought
A new path, but don't have what it takes.

Yes the past is secure,
And the future only blank
But we place hope in the unsure
And end up having to endure
The effects of our own witless prank.

Despite following the road less traveled
It quickly came to me:
That following a path not fully unraveled
Is still following,
And it's all the same to me.

[Tommy]

This poem is for a small scholarship that I am trying to win. Have at it.
Despite Taking the Road Less Traveled

You strive to be the Number One,
Yet always end up last.
Glean behind the reapers, son,
And work for me till work is done
And first learn from the past.

We take this past for naught;
We don't learn from it's mistakes.
We strive to be their only thought,
Yet give up because we find we've wrought
A new path, but don't have what it takes.

Yes the past is secure,
And the future only blank
But we place hope in the unsure
And end up having to endure
The effects of our own witless prank.

Despite following the road less traveled
It quickly came to me:
That following a path not fully unraveled
Is still following,
And it's all the same to me.

If this is for a scholarship then it will probably be critically read by English major's and professors who will be critical of imperfect rhymes and punctuation so I suggest dropping any rhyming scheme and work on the punctuation. As for the poem itself I think it would be better if you talk about yourself. Make it personal. You use the royal you and the royal we and don't get around to yourself until the last. It left me wanting to know about you. Thank you for the read.

[billy]

i don't usually do this but i agree with tommy. some excellent advice.
if it's a homage or rewrite of the road not taken, less travelled and not taken aren't the same thing.


the road not taken concerns two choices he could make and how or why he chose the path he did, in his poem he even says

Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.

have a solid read of the original poem and see what's actually being said by the poet.

[UnicornRainbowCake]

For me, this is the whole poem:

Despite following the road less traveled
It quickly came to me:
That following a path not fully unraveled
Is still following,
And it's all the same to me.

Reading it by itself, I really enjoyed the light wit, humour, and general tone of it. It's almost slightly surreal I think.

If I were you, I would take this and work from it. It is the best part for me. Use the ideas in the whole of the poem and write them in the same effortless sounding tone like this.

[Catcherin]

I would agree with everything that has been said here but would also add that the second stanza sounds a little bit clumsy. Personally the repetition of "we" makes it a little abrasive for me. Having said that I really like the 3rd stanza and the lines "Glean behind the reapers, son, And work for me till work is done" are fantastic.

[Being human]

This poem is for a small scholarship that I am trying to win. Have at it.
Despite Taking the Road Less Traveled

You strive to be the Number One,
Yet always end up last.
Glean behind the reapers, son,
And work for me till work is done
And first learn from the past. i think I'd be better if you drop the first And, repetition makes it sound lil dull. This stanza is very written


We take this past for naught;
We don't learn from it's mistakes.shouldn't it be its instead of that apostrophe ?
We strive to be their only thought,
Yet give up because we find we've wrought
A new path, but don't have what it takes.

Yes the past is secure,
And the future only blank
But we place hope in the unsure
And end up having to endure
The effects of our own witless prank. my instinct says me, pranks is a more suitable word instead of prank, but that'd kill the rhyme , try finding an alternative for it, else it's pretty fine, I like the thought put I the first two stanzas

Despite following the road less traveled
It quickly came to me:
That following a path not fully unraveled
Is still following,
And it's all the same to me.i think this is the only stanza which is a lil off, the idea seems good but not executed properly I reckon

The phrases in bold are my input for your poem. The start was really nice and I could see I heading very finely, somehow the last one mm idk somehow didn't gel in, good work otherwise , I enjoyed reading it, who doesn't likes poems with a message and this is my first feedback, sorry If I commit any mistake here, and I just gave you a feedback from a general non biases point of view, hope you get success in your endeavour, cheers