Beach Chair-

[KICKBACK]

Someone on another forum, I go to, gave us a topic and the topic was "beach chair." The point was to write about it.

Beach Chair-

I like to chill and if I could forever, I would.
Lay out in the sun with my wife,
Sounds good.
Beer in my hand,
Chill here until nightfall
Even though I hate the sand.

My beach chair has an umbrella,
To block out the UV rays.
I've got a pair of cool sun shades.
I'm able to see things clearer without squinting my eyes.
Oh and my wife, she looks great.

I hate the sand.
But the waves are so relaxing.
Chillin' with my beer in hand and
My wife straddled across me.
Drink to sunset.
Make out till night fall.
Chilled all day because I wanted to.
Now I don't know what to do.
I'll let my wife make the call.

[qwerty_H]

I think this poem sounds like a great day!! Just hanging on the beach all day drinking with your wife. Cool!

-H

[Volaticus]

I was instantly attracted to the chillin' tone of the poem. It sounds like a nice, relaxing day.
I like the last line, it had a slight comical feel to it, that ended the poem nicely.
And I think your repetition of 'i hate the sand' just added to the poem. Even though 'you' hate the sand, it doesn't really matter, because 'you' have 'your' drinks, wife and the calming ocean.
In S1 L2, you use a period at the end. If you replaced it with a comma or a colon, it would connect better with L3. Or at least I think. Just a small nit, really. Also, S2 L2, do you need 'harmful'? I mean.. Most people know UV rays are harmful, so the word felt redundant to me.
Thanks for a relaxing read

[KICKBACK]

I think this poem sounds like a great day!! Just hanging on the beach all day drinking with your wife. Cool!

-H

lol it's summer time now!!!

I was instantly attracted to the chillin' tone of the poem. It sounds like a nice, relaxing day.
I like the last line, it had a slight comical feel to it, that ended the poem nicely.
And I think your repetition of 'i hate the sand' just added to the poem. Even though 'you' hate the sand, it doesn't really matter, because 'you' have 'your' drinks, wife and the calming ocean.
In S1 L2, you use a period at the end. If you replaced it with a comma or a colon, it would connect better with L3. Or at least I think. Just a small nit, really. Also, S2 L2, do you need 'harmful'? I mean.. Most people know UV rays are harmful, so the word felt redundant to me.
Thanks for a relaxing read

thanks. those two little things do mean alot to me. i definitely don't like "harmful" now that you've mentioned it. I don't think it belongs in this poem at all, I must strike it out. I'll fix that little comma too. I didn't even know I had a period there

[jkaram]

After reading this poem, maybe I need someone to make a call for me too, after all tomorrow's Monday I love the mood, upbeat and carefree- I feel the warmth and sand.

One thing I might suggest for S1, L5: chill 'till nightfall.

Thanks for sharing- nice poem.