could be

[Heartafire]

I am obsessing a love
that thrives on war.

I’ve abandoned the joy of
clustered Rhododendrons;
their beauty bores me.

I am weaving through heaven
without a tether.
Tangled on a string of stars,
losing our connection. You are so far -

A thousand miles of ocean lie
below this abyss of could be.

[Magpie]

I am obsessing a love
that thrives on war.

I’ve abandoned the joy of
clustered Rhododendrons;
their beauty bores me.

I am weaving through heaven
without a tether.
Tangled on a string of stars,
losing our connection. You are so far -

A thousand miles of oceans lie
below this abyss of could be.

Hi Heart,
This is very beautiful and sorrowful at the same time. The images are extremely strong and powerful.
I especially like the second stanza with it's alliteration and the word "Rhododendrons" with it's ready made alliteration, it is such a beautiful word. I also like the use of the capitalization on Rhododendrons. My only possible nit would be the last stanza and the pluralisation of ocean, I can see why you've used it but to me it seems to disrupt the flow slightly.
But all in all I really like this poem.
Thanks
AR

When I clicked on this poem it was from the main page, and I have just now realised that it is in serious critique, oooops. So sorry that it isn't a line by line critique, hope this will suffice.

[tectak]

I am obsessing a love You may only just get away with this missuse of the "obsessing" word on the grounds that it may be used this way over the pond. Strictly you are "obsessing over" or "obsessing about" is correct.
that thrives on war.

I’ve abandoned the joy of
clustered Rhododendrons;
their beauty bores me. Interesting dichotomy here. You translocate and juxtapose the feeling of joy with boredom rather than misery, joy's natural antithesis. I think this weakens the intent, heart." ...their beauty saddens/depresses/deflates/grieves me"...? Your poem.

I am weaving through heaven
without a tether.
Tangled on a string of stars,
losing our connection. You are so far - This stanza could be better punctuated. It is a single and self contained thought. Keep the elemenrs together. Comma after tether then semicolon after stars. Last line is safe however which way you go. There is a poignancy in "You are so far" which is pure distilled spirit , dripping away through the useless leaking dash. What IS it for?

A thousand miles of oceans lie No. I do not see why "oceans". ..hold on, bear with me
below this abyss of could be. A thousand miles of ocean lies beyond the Abyss of Could Be.

Hi heart,
I don't want to like this because it is trite. The expressed thought is never in any danger of developing into anything other than an Exocet heading for the last line, programmed and committed in a technically cold and precise fashion....yet the very predictabilty of it makes it comfortingly familiar. It is like someone standing in front of me agreeing with everything I say.That may be skill...I do not know... but in spite of it and me, I find I DO like it
Best,
tectak

[Brownlie]

Ok, this is about a lover who is away at war? I'm just taking a shot in the dark after a curosry reading of your piece.

I am obsessing a love
that thrives on war.
As a sentence the first couplet is awkward.

I’ve abandoned the joy of
clustered Rhododendrons;
their beauty bores me.-- Mentioning being bored with beauty is offputting, but that could be a personal reaction to be taken with a grain of salt.
Why use these line breaks?

I am weaving through heaven
without a tether.
Tangled on a string of stars,
losing our connection. You are so far -

A thousand miles of oceans lie
below this abyss of could be.---Abyss of could be? Maybe Abyss of what could be? I don't know.

[Heartafire]

I am obsessing a love
that thrives on war.

I’ve abandoned the joy of
clustered Rhododendrons;
their beauty bores me.

I am weaving through heaven
without a tether.
Tangled on a string of stars,
losing our connection. You are so far -

A thousand miles of oceans lie
below this abyss of could be.

Hi Heart,
This is very beautiful and sorrowful at the same time. The images are extremely strong and powerful.
I especially like the second stanza with it's alliteration and the word "Rhododendrons" with it's ready made alliteration, it is such a beautiful word. I also like the use of the capitalization on Rhododendrons. My only possible nit would be the last stanza and the pluralisation of ocean, I can see why you've used it but to me it seems to disrupt the flow slightly.
But all in all I really like this poem.
Thanks
AR

When I clicked on this poem it was from the main page, and I have just now realised that it is in serious critique, oooops. So sorry that it isn't a line by line critique, hope this will suffice.

Hi AR, thank you for reading and commenting on this. I think this is a fine critique, so no problem re the line by line. I am considering your
opinion regarding "oceans", I am not sure why I made that plural so I can't defend it. Will think on that.
My best,
heart

---

I am obsessing a love You may only just get away with this missuse of the "obsessing" word on the grounds that it may be used this way over the pond. Strictly you are "obsessing over" or "obsessing about" is correct.
that thrives on war.

I’ve abandoned the joy of
clustered Rhododendrons;
their beauty bores me. Interesting dichotomy here. You translocate and juxtapose the feeling of joy with boredom rather than misery, joy's natural antithesis. I think this weakens the intent, heart." ...their beauty saddens/depresses/deflates/grieves me"...? Your poem.

I am weaving through heaven
without a tether.
Tangled on a string of stars,
losing our connection. You are so far - This stanza could be better punctuated. It is a single and self contained thought. Keep the elemenrs together. Comma after tether then semicolon after stars. Last line is safe however which way you go. There is a poignancy in "You are so far" which is pure distilled spirit , dripping away through the useless leaking dash. What IS it for?

A thousand miles of oceans lie No. I do not see why "oceans". ..hold on, bear with me
below this abyss of could be. A thousand miles of ocean lies beyond the Abyss of Could Be.

Hi heart,
I don't want to like this because it is trite. The expressed thought is never in any danger of developing into anything other than an Exocet heading for the last line, programmed and committed in a technically cold and precise fashion....yet the very predictabilty of it makes it comfortingly familiar. It is like someone standing in front of me agreeing with everything I say.That may be skill...I do not know... but in spite of it and me, I find I DO like it
Best,
tectak

Hi tec, thank you for the in depth critique. Trite is not a word I want to associate my writing with but perhaps appropriate here. Love poems reek of it and predictability so I must acquiesce on both points. I went with bored rather than sad regarding the pleasure of flowers because this n is caught up in her obsession and finds them of little interest. Your point is well taken though and I may revise that.
Thank you again for your time and comments.
my best,
Heart

---

Thank you enigma, I am delighted that you liked this piece and honored by your comparisons, your insight into this poem is excellent.
best!
Heart

---

Hi Brownlie, thanks for reading and commenting and your thoughts. I like to know how my poem has been interpreted by the reader and find yours very interesting. Thank you.
Heart

---

I am obsessing a love You may only just get away with this missuse of the "obsessing" word on the grounds that it may be used this way over the pond. Strictly you are "obsessing over" or "obsessing about" is correct.
that thrives on war.

I’ve abandoned the joy of
clustered Rhododendrons;
their beauty bores me. Interesting dichotomy here. You translocate and juxtapose the feeling of joy with boredom rather than misery, joy's natural antithesis. I think this weakens the intent, heart." ...their beauty saddens/depresses/deflates/grieves me"...? Your poem.

I am weaving through heaven
without a tether.
Tangled on a string of stars,
losing our connection. You are so far - This stanza could be better punctuated. It is a single and self contained thought. Keep the elemenrs together. Comma after tether then semicolon after stars. Last line is safe however which way you go. There is a poignancy in "You are so far" which is pure distilled spirit , dripping away through the useless leaking dash. What IS it for?

A thousand miles of oceans lie No. I do not see why "oceans". ..hold on, bear with me
below this abyss of could be. A thousand miles of ocean lies beyond the Abyss of Could Be.

Hi heart,
I don't want to like this because it is trite. The expressed thought is never in any danger of developing into anything other than an Exocet heading for the last line, programmed and committed in a technically cold and precise fashion....yet the very predictabilty of it makes it comfortingly familiar. It is like someone standing in front of me agreeing with everything I say.That may be skill...I do not know... but in spite of it and me, I find I DO like it
Best,
tectak

Thanks for liking this trite little ditty tec, I poured my heart and soul into it. I have gone with Ocean rather than the plural, it seems right. I used "below" because this speaker is in the heavens, hope that makes sense. Thanks again.