Smoke

[Volaticus]

Smoke

Subtle swirls of smoke
Depicting dreamy tales
I exhale an elf

[Magpie]

Smoke

Subtle swirls of smoke
Depicting dreamy tales
I exhale an elf

Excellent,
I was a bit bemused at first, but I like it.
It has a very surreal quality to it and again I like the alliteration in line 1 especially with the word swirls having a 's' at both ends. The whole line read out loud sounds like the image that it is describing.
I think it would be more classed as a senryu than a haiku but because you didn't say either way then no one can say, that's why I called my last post on hear 4 poems, because I wasn't really sure what they were.
Keep writing, it's good stuff.
All the best.
AR

[rowens]

You might be smoking that Hans Andersen.

[Volaticus]

Smoke

Subtle swirls of smoke
Depicting dreamy tales
I exhale an elf

Excellent,
I was a bit bemused at first, but I like it.
It has a very surreal quality to it and again I like the alliteration in line 1 especially with the word swirls having a 's' at both ends. The whole line read out loud sounds like the image that it is describing.
I think it would be more classed as a senryu than a haiku but because you didn't say either way then no one can say, that's why I called my last post on hear 4 poems, because I wasn't really sure what they were.
Keep writing, it's good stuff.
All the best.
AR

Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it. I don't think I've ever written anything in under five minutes, but this just came to me, as I lit my cigarette. I like surreal. I think I will practice writing more surreal things.
You're most probably right about the senryu. I still have to read some more about it, to be able to distinguish between senryu and haiku.
Thanks again for the encouragement.
Best,
LB

---

You might be smoking that Hans Andersen.

I think you might be right about that

[Volaticus]

I like the curve ball in L3.

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback