Genesis

[James]

I walked into the jungle and came out as a man
I'm not the lotus torn by the void's eye
The astral eye will be my night
It will never dance the dirge of dawn
It will be the darkest bright
My air in summerland is crystal, not crime
Whither, wilt, whisper in its name
The wilt of a halfman
Is not the wilt that is mine
A voyage through the ocean under the skin
I became apart of that sea, that is when
I became a man

I drank the violet waters from the fountain of a halfman
I'm not the crying creek quilting a moon's ripple
Or the ground whispering to its mirror Mars
I'm the gale of dust under the drifting grey mountain
The eyes , these eyes, aren't fading by the eye
In the creeping of the silver, it laughed
That laugh was a forest without trees
In the bark I saw no man
There laid a heart
It was my heart
That is
When
I became a halfman

I limped from the caving house and saw a boy
I'm not tied to the alice tree of dawn
These swimming solid leaves are not me
Behind the halfline of my velvet sea
They float me across and I become gold
The waters of metronome shift to the waters of man
And the waves of man become the sea of silence
That is when
I became a boy

The tree bloomed an aurora of leaves and I became nothing

[Heartafire]

This seems impressive James. I was not able (due to the late hour) to complete reading it, it is quite lengthy ( not a big fan of really long poetry, with Neruda being the exception, and I don't think I know of one of his that is this long). I plan to return to read it through and perhaps give some thoughts on it. I like what I have read so far.
Heart

[James]

It felt long to you? This is actually one of my shorter works, but thank you and please do.

[allykat727]

Unique and beautifully written!

I walked into the jungle and came out as a man
I'm not the lotus torn by the void's eye
The astral eye will be my night
It will never dance the dirge of dawn
It will be the darkest bright i like this contradiction
My air in summerland is crystal, not crime
Whither, wilt, whisper in its name the rhyme of 'crys' and 'whis' is lovely here
The wilt of a halfman
Is not the wilt that is mine
A voyage through the ocean under the skin
I became apart of that sea, that is when meant to be 'a part'?
I became a man this is definitely my favorite stanza. I felt it had the best rhythm.

I drank the violet waters from the fountain of a halfman
I'm not the crying creek quilting a moon's ripple nice alliteration
Or the ground whispering to its mirror Mars mirror Mars? hmm...?
I'm the gale of dust under the drifting grey mountain
The eyes , these eyes, aren't fading by the eye
In the creeping of the silver, it laughed
That laugh was a forest without trees
In the bark I saw no man hmm... if the forest has no trees, why is there bark?
There laid a heart
It was my heart
That is
When
I became a halfman

I limped from the caving house and saw a boy 'caving house': nice image
I'm not tied to the alice tree of dawn you have already mentioned dawn in your first stanza. the second stanza, the moon ripple denotes night time. for me, these words help paint a scene. maybe consider a new time of day for this stanza?
These swimming solid leaves are not me
Behind the halfline of my velvet sea
They float me across and I become gold
The waters of metronome shift to the waters of man
And the waves of man become the sea of silence
That is when
I became a boy

The tree bloomed an aurora of leaves and I became nothing

Overall I really enjoyed reading this piece. It is full of gorgeous turns of words that made me want to read it again and again. I did feel that there were meaningful things going that I was not quite able to grasp. The images were beautiful, but I didn't feel like I could connect each image to the next image. But that may just be because I am not the most experienced reader of poetry Thanks for the read!

[Magpie]

I walked into the jungle and came out as a man Excellent first line
I'm not the lotus torn by the void's eye
The astral eye will be my night
It will never dance the dirge of dawn I like the spiritual connotations of these 3 lines
It will be the darkest bright Even though I know what you mean it could be seen as a contradiction
My air in summerland is crystal, not crime I'm not sure what summerland is or means
Whither, wilt, whisper in its name I like the alliteration in this line
The wilt of a halfman
Is not the wilt that is mine
A voyage through the ocean under the skin
I became apart of that sea, that is when should this be apart or a part
I became a man

I drank the violet waters from the fountain of a halfman beautifully poetic line
I'm not the crying creek quilting a moon's ripple
Or the ground whispering to its mirror Mars Good line
I'm the gale of dust under the drifting grey mountain
The eyes , these eyes, aren't fading by the eye
In the creeping of the silver, it laughed
That laugh was a forest without trees I'm not so sure about this comparison
In the bark I saw no man
There laid a heart
It was my heart
That is
When
I became a halfman

I limped from the caving house and saw a boy
I'm not tied to the alice tree of dawn I'm not sure what alice tree is, I looked it up but found nothing
These swimming solid leaves are not me
Behind the halfline of my velvet sea
They float me across and I become gold
The waters of metronome shift to the waters of man by metronome are u implying waters of rhythm?
And the waves of man become the sea of silence
That is when
I became a boy

The tree bloomed an aurora of leaves and I became nothing another beautiful poetic line

Hi James,
I really enjoyed this poem and straight away I was drawn in by the beautiful style and phrases that you use. It is very obvious that you've got talent and I would hazard a guess to say that you've done a lot of writing. I'm not entirely sure of all the references but I am looking forward to your explanation. I've left the odd comment here and there, next to certain lines, nothing too serious and to be taken too serious either.
You have a beautiful poetic style of writing and I look forward to reading more of your poetry in due course.
Thanks for the read.
AR

[James]

allycat727 its meant to imply that there once was trees, or at least he thought there was, and they are now torn down. And thank you for your thoughts on it, I did mean 'a part', I'll fix that soon.

I walked into the jungle and came out as a man Excellent first line
I'm not the lotus torn by the void's eye
The astral eye will be my night
It will never dance the dirge of dawn I like the spiritual connotations of these 3 lines
It will be the darkest bright Even though I know what you mean it could be seen as a contradiction
My air in summerland is crystal, not crime I'm not sure what summerland is or means
Whither, wilt, whisper in its name I like the alliteration in this line
The wilt of a halfman
Is not the wilt that is mine
A voyage through the ocean under the skin
I became apart of that sea, that is when should this be apart or a part
I became a man

I drank the violet waters from the fountain of a halfman beautifully poetic line
I'm not the crying creek quilting a moon's ripple
Or the ground whispering to its mirror Mars Good line
I'm the gale of dust under the drifting grey mountain
The eyes , these eyes, aren't fading by the eye
In the creeping of the silver, it laughed
That laugh was a forest without trees I'm not so sure about this comparison
In the bark I saw no man
There laid a heart
It was my heart
That is
When
I became a halfman

I limped from the caving house and saw a boy
I'm not tied to the alice tree of dawn I'm not sure what alice tree is, I looked it up but found nothing
These swimming solid leaves are not me
Behind the halfline of my velvet sea
They float me across and I become gold
The waters of metronome shift to the waters of man by metronome are u implying waters of rhythm?
And the waves of man become the sea of silence
That is when
I became a boy

The tree bloomed an aurora of leaves and I became nothing another beautiful poetic line

Hi James,
I really enjoyed this poem and straight away I was drawn in by the beautiful style and phrases that you use. It is very obvious that you've got talent and I would hazard a guess to say that you've done a lot of writing. I'm not entirely sure of all the references but I am looking forward to your explanation. I've left the odd comment here and there, next to certain lines, nothing too serious and to be taken too serious either.
You have a beautiful poetic style of writing and I look forward to reading more of your poetry in due course.
Thanks for the read.
AR

Summerland, is in short an imaginary land where every thing goes perfectly for you, it was in this religion I learned about a while ago, but I cant remember which. Its actually like a step before heaven, like limbo. By alice tree, I meant an alice blue tree, maybe I should have actually written blue, I thought it might have implied it by the tone around it. And yes, waters of fixed rhythm, that showed a realization within him that brought him back to the same steady as in the first stanza which is now a true still unlike before which leads to conclusion. And thank for your opinion on this, it means allot. Also if you consider writing a total of 19 poems across every other month between early 8th grade to now late freshman year than yes I've written a number of things.