02-23-2023, 11:19 PM
Hello busker-
Thanks for the insightful critique. You probably know that I'm always looking for ways to say more with less, and your comments reveal areas where the cutting can occur.
This subject itself has become a cliche, so trying to find a unique perspective is quite difficult. Writing it from the viewpoint of Native Americans is even more difficult. Still, I will attempt to convey what must have been a mix of awe and trepidation that would have been a common reaction among any people.
Your suggestion of compressing to 8-10 lines is intriquing, and I accept the challenge. Hopefully, the idea doesn't fall apart in the reduction. You are correct that mere hints are all that is needed. Offering those hints while remaining coherent will be very tricky.
The first thing I'll need to do is abandon the use of tercets, then see how this one can be restructured.
Thanks again,
Mark
Thanks for the insightful critique. You probably know that I'm always looking for ways to say more with less, and your comments reveal areas where the cutting can occur.
This subject itself has become a cliche, so trying to find a unique perspective is quite difficult. Writing it from the viewpoint of Native Americans is even more difficult. Still, I will attempt to convey what must have been a mix of awe and trepidation that would have been a common reaction among any people.
Your suggestion of compressing to 8-10 lines is intriquing, and I accept the challenge. Hopefully, the idea doesn't fall apart in the reduction. You are correct that mere hints are all that is needed. Offering those hints while remaining coherent will be very tricky.
The first thing I'll need to do is abandon the use of tercets, then see how this one can be restructured.
Thanks again,
Mark