07-21-2012, 01:28 PM
I really liked the edit. I love how you concretized the idea of remembering in drought by literally letting the bones be revealed when the grass dies, and the opposite happen in the wet season.
Billy mentioned an interesting point i hadn't noticed before. If you imply "heat" at the intro of your poem instead of light, it might make a nicer transition to the concept of paper / envelope, allowing the two images to mutually support one another instead of being complete standalones.
Billy mentioned an interesting point i hadn't noticed before. If you imply "heat" at the intro of your poem instead of light, it might make a nicer transition to the concept of paper / envelope, allowing the two images to mutually support one another instead of being complete standalones.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?