07-19-2012, 09:48 PM
I quite like this, though I think you could cut it by about half. I think the absence of punctuation is apt given the subject matter. For me, the poem is in the first two verses and the penultimate one. Of course, the less there is the closer each phrase or word is examined, so you might want to think about
we walk away from but never leave
where nothing arrives or leaves
in the same verse.
I liked this bit
this is where yesterday ends
where tomorrow wants to be
I imagined you were referring to midnight, but perhaps not and no matter.
I wonder what that 3rd verse is all about and what it's doing here!
we walk away from but never leave
where nothing arrives or leaves
in the same verse.
I liked this bit
this is where yesterday ends
where tomorrow wants to be
I imagined you were referring to midnight, but perhaps not and no matter.
I wonder what that 3rd verse is all about and what it's doing here!
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.