07-19-2012, 08:24 PM
Thanks dom miguel.That's several times now I've had Larkinesque stuck on one of my poems. And I do just happen to be a miserable old bastard who likes to keep his books in alphabetical order. Uncanny.
It didn't start out as a sonnet, though it's veered that way. Yes, a lot of -ings. Originally,it started "Last year they made..." but I wanted more distance.
Would "..have whitened, are thinning..." be any good?
Geoff, thanks. The beautiful game is football. Not soccer, don't call it soccer.
With sins, I was trying, in my clumsy way, to show how children stop believing, or at least, being in awe of their parents and the similarities with the decline of, let's say, Christianity. Perhaps sin, singular, might be better.
Anyhow, I've replaced mere with standard and shows of devotion is now sincere devotion.
It didn't start out as a sonnet, though it's veered that way. Yes, a lot of -ings. Originally,it started "Last year they made..." but I wanted more distance.
Would "..have whitened, are thinning..." be any good?
Geoff, thanks. The beautiful game is football. Not soccer, don't call it soccer.
With sins, I was trying, in my clumsy way, to show how children stop believing, or at least, being in awe of their parents and the similarities with the decline of, let's say, Christianity. Perhaps sin, singular, might be better.
Anyhow, I've replaced mere with standard and shows of devotion is now sincere devotion.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.