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[Aish]

yo aish

My
chest
ached
a little
before, ...need the "before"?
full
of
insomnia
and half spilled ...this was probably the bit i would most expect to be enjambed (what with the spilling), but instead it stays together
ire -

now it
divides
itself
over
and
over
tumbling ...this stanza could have played off of the "tumbling" more with the line breaks if desired

a surging
hydrographic
soliciting to drown
a capsized
lover. ...i get the water. the hydrographic "drowning" something escaped me though, to be honest

chasing
after
a
drowned
lover....i'm still not sure how i feel about the repetition THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!!!!! (editing it out now)

Seething
murmurs
fall
crash
break..expected the stanza to end here
dragging the depths ..like how "dragging" has words following it

below
my stomach
behind
my colon
reaching
beyond

the
spinning
fiery
wheels

of
sacred
undertow...a nice line/ image

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My
chest
ached
a
little
before,
full
of
insomnia
and half spilled
ire -

now it
divides
itself
over
and
over
tumbling

crazy
swift
and
fluid,
like the sea

chasing
after
a
drowned
lover.

Seething
murmurs
fall
crash
break
dragging the depths

below
my stomach
behind
my colon
reaching
beyond

the
spinning
fiery
wheels

of
sacred
undertow

i'm seeing a relationship that either took a turn for the worst and is wrapped up in remorse (the drowning of a lover, maybe in apologies and regret) or is still disrupted by anger (the drowning hopes to consume the lover). i'm probably off-base with both

i found a number of your decisions went against what i was expecting you to do with both structure and word choice. in interesting read, though it strikes me as still a little cryptic

Thanks for all the feedback, Phil. I will play with the enjabment. Not sure this piece is meant to be any more specific than it is, though cryptic was not my aim at all. Overall discomfort and your interpretations are lovely. I removed 'before'.