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[Universalchild]

My
chest
ached
a
little
before,
full
of
insomnia
and half spilled
ire -
Too broken for me, it ends up sounding really robotic in my head. I think having a singular word works really well when you are trying to put focus on that word, but for stuff like "a" and "of" I think it breaks it up too much. Like, "insomnia" is brilliant on its own, and "ire" - even "ached" but the rest I think needs to at least be in pairs.

now it
divides
itself
over
and
over
tumbling
I prefer this, especially with the "over and over" above "tumbling"

crazy
swift
and
fluid,
like the sea
I'm not so keen on "swift" being used - it isn't very sea-like.

chasing
after
a
drowned
lover.
Love the drowned lover image, not so sure about them being chased?

Seething
murmurs
fall
crash
break
dragging the depths
Love this, all kept within the sea imagery.

below
my stomach
behind
my colon
reaching
beyond
I really love this stanza, definitely my favourite.

the
spinning
fiery
wheels

of
sacred
undertow.
Good ending, really strong.