07-18-2012, 11:07 AM
I think there are a lot who can relate to this 
Loved how smoothly the sentiment changed with the growing kids - sandcastles to mutant teens
The bitter- sweetness pours through with the sentiment change and lip-service/mere gift tokens
I feel there is a beat out in the last line
"receiving lip-service and mere gift tokens" (mere gift tokens feels like it jars, but I am going on gut here
am sure someone else will put me right on that score)
I will have to come back and check if I am saying the wrong thing, if so...apologies upfront!
Really enjoyed this...
Loved how smoothly the sentiment changed with the growing kids - sandcastles to mutant teens
The bitter- sweetness pours through with the sentiment change and lip-service/mere gift tokens
I feel there is a beat out in the last line
"receiving lip-service and mere gift tokens" (mere gift tokens feels like it jars, but I am going on gut here
am sure someone else will put me right on that score)I will have to come back and check if I am saying the wrong thing, if so...apologies upfront!
Really enjoyed this...