Birthday

[billy]

One year the kids made a photo mosaic,
a diary from warmness to winter’s decaying:
the feeding of bottles and reading of stories,
my hair set in bobbles, the family guffawing; loved it
teaching the beautiful game in the garden, great line.
patiently building sandcastles and snowmen;
watching barbarians ruin my labours
as youngsters mutate into surly teenagers.
My long dark locks are whitened and thinning;
this worshipping congregation has risen
as if all sins were forgot or forgiven
and I a declining church or religion,
desirous of presence and shows of devotion:
receiving lip-service and mere gift tokens.
.

almost a sonnet. great family poem. i din't do a line by because i' would have had to be picky picky picky. would line 12 and 13 be better as the last line. would make a stronger end couplet. i think a bit of work needs doing on the end rhymes. (the 1st 2 lines) and possibly the last 2.

all in all a good strong poem that i can relate to.

thanks for the read