Boxes of Blood

[tectak]

I like this, it is funny, and I think you capture it well.

I don't think this probably reads as you intended. I understand it is suppose to be mimicking the speech pattern of the main character/ speaker. We will call her the "open your heart to me" woman. Yet it seems overly chopped for a normal speech pattern, or even an effected one. I think a little less staccato and a little more legato, with the quarter note equal to, say 120, like a good Sousa march, instead of quarter note equals 160 (like a speed freak's heart rate), as it is now.

Punctuation is the problem in that it ultimately fails to convey what we want it too. Personally, I like it's use, even at times it's overuse, but you will find that I am in the minority here on that subject.

After having read a number of your poem, I begin to think you are like a fungus, and though somewhat repulsive, you are starting to grow on me none-the-less. Oh well, I will simply consume your poetry and it can go and live with the rest of the flora and fauna of my intestinal tract. :p


Dale

poxy plagiarist purloining penicilin