Death in China (Chinese Torture as was) edit 2.

[billy]

At dawn the light is stretched to ground, below the still and perfumed haze.
The aspic air aglow and held by pointed props of bamboo staves.
The dogs, asleep in hessian walls or prowling empty alleyways,
growl at the early heron’s stab, its cover lost to circling waves.

As gold escapes the lidded eye that opens east on terraced slopes
the light-slit orbs of restless men, dog-barked in to brightening days,
glint; flickering as dreams depart, of bellies full and fulfilled hopes.
Each cheats close death in cold of night , re-born in warming rays.

Some few remain, in void of sleep, cold to the touch, as feigning death;
then rise in drowsy, languid time, with gnawing thoughts of breaking fast,
and with somnambulistic gait, and effort steaming in their breath,
they light stick fires to heat green tea and bubble rice; a thin repast.

But one lies late, and does not move; though dogs bark loud to end their rest.
Pallid on his coarse hemp mat, he lies inert in tightened skin.
The opium Peace has left her flower, one poppy placed on naked breast,
by one who knows that certain death, will come to those who let her in.


tectak
2012-07-11
Thanks to penguin, universal, erthona, leanne, billy then added empty for leanne

i like the edit though prefer L3 the way it was. (purely out of choice)
i have been looking at the heron line and wondering if it can be better put. at the moment i'm thinking; dog provoking heron or vise verse; which doesn't really work that well. (i've only ever seen herons in the countryside so that's probably tinting my view a little)

good edit