07-16-2012, 04:30 AM
A rondeau, if I'm not mistaken, just lacking some stanza breaks -- so great to see that those meter lessons worked (star pupil, by the way folks!).
Excellent change of mood between the first stanza and the last. Inspired by the Toowoomba floods? You change tenses from the first two lines (past tense) to the rest of the poem (present). Most of the poem is in present tense so it's probably best to go with that, although that creates a meter problem for L2 which it's too early in the morning for me to think about
You're also missing a few apostrophes: Earth's vein, sowers' joy, man's plight, nature's blight, nature's thief.
Lovely to see a form done well, thanks for posting!
Excellent change of mood between the first stanza and the last. Inspired by the Toowoomba floods? You change tenses from the first two lines (past tense) to the rest of the poem (present). Most of the poem is in present tense so it's probably best to go with that, although that creates a meter problem for L2 which it's too early in the morning for me to think about
You're also missing a few apostrophes: Earth's vein, sowers' joy, man's plight, nature's blight, nature's thief. Lovely to see a form done well, thanks for posting!
It could be worse