07-15-2012, 07:05 AM
Thanks, Tectak. I decided to alter the 1st and 4th verses fairly radically. I'm ok with 1st verse now but the 4th one is crap, I think.You are correct, there is a sense of betrayal
Thanks, Dom Miguel.The title I'm ok with, it provides a link from beginning to end. And I need the beginning, I think. Talking must be easier than something.
I agree with your published poet's advice and the 1st verse as was led the reader off on a futile tangent. Now I think I have what's required
"I found 'unwanted items of furniture' a bit too prosaic, but enjoyed the notion of their 'rehabilitation'. Just 'unwanted furniture'? - the setting was a Rehab institution. I think I'd lose the rhythm without "items of".
I think it was a cheese plant. Unfortunately, I think I do require capitals except maybe for voluntary organisations.
I think you're right about 4th and 5th verses, especially 4th and as you suggest I might give this poem some time to recover.
The purpleness, yes, it seemed a good idea at one time but I think I'll be quite happy to leave it out.
I don't think it is a case, by the way, of emotions overriding craft.
Anyhow, very helpful, thanks.
Thanks, Dom Miguel.The title I'm ok with, it provides a link from beginning to end. And I need the beginning, I think. Talking must be easier than something.
I agree with your published poet's advice and the 1st verse as was led the reader off on a futile tangent. Now I think I have what's required
"I found 'unwanted items of furniture' a bit too prosaic, but enjoyed the notion of their 'rehabilitation'. Just 'unwanted furniture'? - the setting was a Rehab institution. I think I'd lose the rhythm without "items of".
I think it was a cheese plant. Unfortunately, I think I do require capitals except maybe for voluntary organisations.
I think you're right about 4th and 5th verses, especially 4th and as you suggest I might give this poem some time to recover.
The purpleness, yes, it seemed a good idea at one time but I think I'll be quite happy to leave it out.
I don't think it is a case, by the way, of emotions overriding craft.
Anyhow, very helpful, thanks.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.