07-14-2012, 12:35 PM
The soldier metaphor I didn't understand and there isn't a real connection between that and the lines before.
The line "both J's possess equal depth"-- in my opinion not the best line, there isn't substance to it like the other great lines because "equal depth" has been used soo much
7th stanza kinda threw me off a little, I don't think the word choice was right but that's just my opinion I would of liked more of just "something" since it became the point of your poem
This is an intriguing poem from start to finish, I just wish there were more clear ideas that connect to one another
I do like the link between something being "carved" to a vandal"... really clever
There is a lot to like, I particularly was kinda wow by the last 4 lines because of the words like "comfortable angles" and "admirably steady hands" I like those little details it makes something that is simple kinda eloquent.
I hope I wasn't coming off rude or mean they're just my opinions and what you do with it is up to you.
The line "both J's possess equal depth"-- in my opinion not the best line, there isn't substance to it like the other great lines because "equal depth" has been used soo much
7th stanza kinda threw me off a little, I don't think the word choice was right but that's just my opinion I would of liked more of just "something" since it became the point of your poem
This is an intriguing poem from start to finish, I just wish there were more clear ideas that connect to one another
I do like the link between something being "carved" to a vandal"... really clever
There is a lot to like, I particularly was kinda wow by the last 4 lines because of the words like "comfortable angles" and "admirably steady hands" I like those little details it makes something that is simple kinda eloquent.
I hope I wasn't coming off rude or mean they're just my opinions and what you do with it is up to you.