Fingal's Cave

[Erthona]

DM,

"Why do change the spelling of 'Fingal' half way through?"

Probably because I am dyslexic and can't spell my way out of a paper bag. Thanks for catching that, I'll change it straight away.
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"or that a day feels like a year while they're playing there"

Probably needs a comma so it reads,

Let us go to Fingal's Cave
a year, the same as just one day,

But yes, it is somewhat ambiguous as is "a day is as a thousand years". It is meant to create doubt in the reader that if he were to go into the cave for a day, would he come out and find he had been gone for a year. This is typical of fairy places. I suppose you could call it foreshadowing, although that is generally used with prose.
BTW What children?
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I don't general approve of repetitive endings, in this case it is suppose to echo a chant, which is often used as the means for a magic spell. Chanting often allows one to step outside of time. Also it mimics the renowned euphonious echo of this cave. Mendelssohn's "Die Hebriden Overture" Opus 26, was inspired by the weird echoes in the cave (confirmed by Wiki).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3MiETaBSnc

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"How can you have a poem about Fingal's cave and not mention the weird rock formations?"

Describing the cave itself was not my intention, at least not a description of it's physicality, that I am happy to leave to the reader's imagination.
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I found the first two lines in the fourth stanza a bit bumpy as well. I wonder if something like this helps smooth them out:
And if our friends ask where we play,
tell them all we're with the Fey,

I like your first line,

"And if our friends ask where we play,"

think I'll use that, thanks, but I think I will stick with my other line.

"And if our friends ask where we play,
tell them we are with the Fey"
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"And perhaps just 'And frighten off' rather than 'frightening off' (line 2, stanza 3) would work"

That is off. It has to do with how I read "frightening" as two syllables. I meant to change it to

fright'ning off all lesser men,

and forgot about it. Thanks.
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Tom,

Try http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fingal%27s_Cave

Best
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Geoff and Addy, Thanks.

Geoff, line fixed thanks to DM suggestion.
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Thanks for all the comments,

Oh Yes. I generally write meter more by feel than strict meter, so while I strive to stay with the iambic tetrameter, I am not averse to having the occasional half foot where it makes the reading smoother (this is a historical practice among poets). To me line smoothness is much more important than whether it has two syllables per foot, and I thank you Geoff and DM for making your comments about line smoothness and not feet count. Nothing so irritates me as an anal retentive poet as I am more than capable of counting to two :p

Thanks again,

I rather liked this one myself.

Dale