What God Looks Like

[Philatone]

hey vermits


some thoughts I had while reading this (I do encourage you to leave the same for other poems on the site, in whatever forum you prefer)

someone carved
Jack and Jill forever ...wasn't sure if it was just the names that were carved or also the "forever"
on the table you eat breakfast ...need a "where" before "you"?
morning after morning

and if you just
run your hands over the
indent

you’ll notice symmetry
you’ll realize
both J’s possess equal
depth...great idea, but the execution strikes me as a little more direct than it has to be. perhaps a line about a hand running through the grooves and making this discovery would be a bit more engaging(just an example)

and you’ll think-
such a pretty morning
ruined by the all this pollen...pollen? from where? it catches the reader off-guard

pollen in the crevices
filling trenches like
sad soldiers
exposed by a tendency
to huddle in fear ....again, these images lack a basis in what preceded them. it's a surprise, but not one I found pleasing

beautiful creation both
warm and allergic...is creation "allergic"?

and you’ll miss the point:
and grow angry nothing fits
that everything must be eyed out
that educated guess is your only recourse...i get the idea of this stanza, but was not satisfied with the last 3 lines

not noticing the comfortable angles
left by his hand

an admirably steady hand

for a vandal...could be joined with the line above it if desired. strong close for me

i'm guessing this table is outside, but with the opening (especially the breakfast bit), i first thought the poem was inside. i guess names carved on a table should be enough of a clue as to outside, but I think another clue or two would be helpful

the writing shines in spots and but troubled me in a few others, but if they work for you I understand. I hope to see your thoughts on other pieces as well in the future; it appears you have a lot to offer!