The Anxiety Tree. *First ever poem posted

[billy]

do you mean 'ever here' or 'ever ever' if it's the latter then i'm impressed

Anxious are my roots;
The thoughts that transcend The trouble with having caps to start every line is that i see this line as needing a period,
Feelings into my core,
For Sore with disease, for feels redundant
I am Infected
By the spores that i'd suggest moving up 'float' to end this line
Float callously in and 'the wind' to this line
the wind,
your wind;
It blows my broken leaves down to
The toadstools of you
that infect the health of my forest floor
-Cascading down through my branches i'd suggest removing down and moving this and the next line under 'It blows my broken leaves' and removing 'down to' from that line. (just a suggestion)
Until they can fall
No more.

22-02-2010
TDJ Tovey.

great to see your 1st poem.

i'm not sure the centre align does it any good. it does read just as well, left justified. the enjambment in an odd place or two felt a bit off but other than that i enjoyed the read, and the 1st line really sets the poem up for the rest of the extended metaphor. i got stuck a bit on the toadstool line but thats probably my fault.

thanks for the read.