The Anxiety Tree. *First ever poem posted

[Indie]

Anxious are my roots;
The thoughts that transcend
Feelings into my core,
For Sore with disease, IMO taking out for will give this line more power.
I am Infected
By the spores that
Float callously in
the wind,
your wind; agree with Leanne here, but I did snigger at the extra wind
It blows my broken leaves down to
The toadstools of you
that infect the health of my forest floor
-Cascading down through my branches Don't think you need the - before cascading, it's not grammatically or aesthetically needed.
Until they can fall
No more.


22-02-2010
TDJ Tovey.

I understand what you're trying to say, but the ending feels overwritten. Sometimes less is more, and in this case IMO it needs simplifying. Some nice lines in there, just needs a bit of tightening up.