I like that it reminds me of some kind of carbon cycle for an isolated tree- natural, cyclical, organic- and how you can trace that from beginning to end. Lovely read.
(07-13-2012, 11:42 AM)Timmycom Wrote: Anxious are my roots; I quite like this line. I've felt something like this before
The thoughts that transcend
Feelings into my core, The thought seems wrong, somehow. I know that given the configuration of a tree you are working from the ground up, but "transcending" and "going to the core" just seem like opposing ideas to me
For Sore with disease,
I am Infected not sure why "sore" and "infected" are capitalized
By the spores that
Float callously in
the wind,
your wind; I take it is only "your" wind in the sense that it is full of "your" spores? In any case, "your wind" is a much stronger standalone line than "the wind"
It blows my broken leaves down to
The toadstools of you
that infect the health of my forest floor how about "my loam" or something akin to that?
-Cascading down through my branches i think you lost your subject a bit... weren't you talking about the wind, not the leaves?
Until they can fall
No more.
22-02-2010
TDJ Tovey.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?