The Anxiety Tree. *First ever poem posted

[Philatone]

hey timmy! welcome man


my thoughts on this (removing the format just for the sake of the critique)

Anxious are my roots;...now, you say that the thoughts go beyond feelings, but they are...anxious? i can play along
The thoughts that transcend
Feelings into my core,
For Sore with disease,...need the capital "s" in "sore"?
I am Infected...you know, in a certain way, this is the start of the poem, not the first four lines.
By the spores that
Float callously in
the wind, ...this line could be removed
your wind;...maybe a period instead of a semicolon; a stronger break would give the reader a good pause after a heavy start. i'm interested by this "wind"
It blows my broken leaves down to
The toadstools of you
that infect the health of my forest floor..until now, you've been specific with tree parts. "forest floor", while it extends you to a larger area, also makes you more broad than "branches" and "roots". I think something more personal to you and trees ("trunk" maybe?) would keep the consistency a bit better
-Cascading down through my branches...i'm taking that "cascading" refers to "leaves". may be hard to adjust, but for me, "leaves" is just a little too far from this phrase. probably a personal preference
Until they can fall
No more. ...i like the end; I think stopping on "fall" could be a little stronger. e.g, "Until, no longer,/ can they fall


22-02-2010
TDJ Tovey.

i like what you have done. the beginning has stronger acoustics than content I think, but the images and ideas get stronger as you progress. I would propose chopping off the first four lines, but that's just a suggestion. thanks for the read