Legacy Lost

[tectak]

.
In some places
…maybe
—where innocence has yetellipsis into "maybe" is bad form because you should have pondered the thought before you wrote it down. This weakens the opener just too much. It says to me that you are not going to be anything other than wishy-washy in this piece, and that is just not a style that I see you comfortable in. I realise that each piece should be judged on "as is" but I am left leaderless in this one.
to leak away—
one might still intrude Then to follow with the dashed insert really loses the authority of tenureship. I am left wondering whether I should believe in the writer. Sorry, but I am not yet talking about any meaning in this piece but if the "innocence" insert is relevant then I regret it is allowed to just "leak" away. I guess I am saying that "leaking" is just too domestic....like a washerless tap...er...faucet
on an American
apple pie day,Can't connect with the theme yet but I am already concerned over the form/punctuation/ literacy ( not your literacy, the character's)
but
I have not held a moment
like that
in my hands
for many faded years. I like this as a standalone but what moment are you not holding. You seem to be whistfully vague in all things and now I may be seeing the force of the piece. It is a bit of a shock if there is no third person character in sight.
My memories
of those small town times
once
sharp as a blade of
St. Augustine* Love this for the same reason as above. I particularly like, as I have said before, the "local" input. St.Augustine grass MAY be obscure to most BUT as an example of what makes an image high in resolution, any photographer will tell you that ".... it was so sharp you could see every blade of grass".That I like and I don't care if it "means" something religiously cognitive. Caution Muse at work!
have all been
whitewashed away. OK. So end on a puzzle. I didn't get any of the deeper significance that others saw. I don't do complicated....I would, though, just point out that whitewashing COVERS rather than REMOVES. Is this significant? Answers on a postcard , please.[b]
Best,
tectak

©2010-2012 –Erthona

*St. Augustine: "a low, mat-forming grass, Stenotaphrum secundatum, of the southern U.S. and tropical America, that is cultivated as a lawn grass."