07-12-2012, 08:15 PM
a little bit of wow from me. it's too original to be in novice.
the only problem was a disconnect between then and now.
the shows it's nostalgia but i think it goes to far without letting us know it's a memory based poem.
that said, it's just a small nit. overall i thought it hit the mark. loads of regret in the last line and some of the images are excellent.
just a suggestion but i'd say post in one of the other forums as well or besides this one. bugger me, there's so much to like in this that i can't see anything that i dislike. sorry if i wasn't much help with the feedback.
thanks for read and breaking your cherry
the only problem was a disconnect between then and now.
the shows it's nostalgia but i think it goes to far without letting us know it's a memory based poem.
that said, it's just a small nit. overall i thought it hit the mark. loads of regret in the last line and some of the images are excellent.
just a suggestion but i'd say post in one of the other forums as well or besides this one. bugger me, there's so much to like in this that i can't see anything that i dislike. sorry if i wasn't much help with the feedback.
thanks for read and breaking your cherry