07-12-2012, 07:02 AM
I think I'm just being the pedantic one around the hessian, it's only because I know it's a german word. Hesse. I don't think it makes a difference, really.
I also think (yay for brains) that if you keep the title as "Chinese Torture" it should have more of a sense of torture within. It's just far too peaceful. I really get where you are coming from, but the poem itself is of dawn and opium. It has a sleepy, almost dream-like quality to it, quite like when one wakes at dawn/is on the opium, a well-created atmosphere. I wasn't expecting this when I saw the title. What happens in China is just so brutal, particularly now. I feel physically sick when I think about the things I know. I want to unknow them. I'm not sure this poem really does the title justice, nor the title do this poem justice. They just feel very seperate.
I also think (yay for brains) that if you keep the title as "Chinese Torture" it should have more of a sense of torture within. It's just far too peaceful. I really get where you are coming from, but the poem itself is of dawn and opium. It has a sleepy, almost dream-like quality to it, quite like when one wakes at dawn/is on the opium, a well-created atmosphere. I wasn't expecting this when I saw the title. What happens in China is just so brutal, particularly now. I feel physically sick when I think about the things I know. I want to unknow them. I'm not sure this poem really does the title justice, nor the title do this poem justice. They just feel very seperate.