Revelation

[tectak]

Here is a re-write of this poem. I tried to address various problematic areas that were pointed out. Dale

v2
...breath’s emanations echo a sigh;
angels circle corners of my eyes;
Death’s shadow falls on me;
I know my own mortality:
for broken is life’s seal
when a poem is real.


v 1
...harsh effluence still sounds a sigh;
angels circle round the corners of my eyes;
Death’s shadow falls over me,
I know my own mortality,
then broken is the seal,
when a poem is real.

yes yes yes to this. I like it very much. The edits have made this a poem for everyman (and leanne if she gets sexist) and it will be pinned up in my khasi....even without effluence
best,
tectak

---

Here is a re-write of this poem. I tried to address various problematic areas that were pointed out. Dale

v2
...breath’s emanations echo a sigh;
angels circle corners of my eyes;
Death’s shadow falls on me;
I know my own mortality:
for broken is life’s seal
when a poem is real

v 1
...harsh effluence still sounds a sigh;
angels circle round the corners of my eyes;
Death’s shadow falls over me,
I know my own mortality,
then broken is the seal,
when a poem is real.

yes yes yes to this. I like it very much. The edits have made this a poem for everyman (and leanne if she gets sexist) and it will be pinned up in my khasi....even without effluence
best,
tectak