Legacy Lost

[billy]

.
In some places
…maybe
—where innocence has yet
to leak away— so the 1st person still has hope? i like the opening sparse as it is.
one might still intrude
on an American
apple pie day, see dm, now all i see are eve and apples. before that i saw society as it was.
but
I have not held a moment
like that
in my hands
for many faded years. i like that it's ambiguous as to who you're lamenting, you or them, or possibly both, again i found it sparse yet here it had grace.
My memories
of those small town times
once
sharp as a blade of
St. Augustine* i know the phrase as sharp as grass, and am grateful for the footnote.
have all been
whitewashed away. not sure whitewashed away works in conjunction with grass, though it does depict a loss of memories rather well

©2010-2012 –Erthona

*St. Augustine: "a low, mat-forming grass, Stenotaphrum secundatum, of the southern U.S. and tropical America, that is cultivated as a lawn grass."

i'm sure they're needed but i keep going back to those [...]'s and that 1st[-]; and thinking they're in the wrong place, or even unnecessary.

i stupidly read dm's feedback and now i see all sorts of stuff and am struggling to see my own take on the thing. (one of the reasons i seldom read other peoples crit till i've done my own) i like the simplicity of it and in places it ambiguity (which to some extent gets cleared up at the end (almost)) i think very little needs any meddling with. what really stood out for me were the words;

maybe
but
once


normally i see small words on their own as wasted but here it's like a message hidden away. some kind of code. intentional or not i think they add a lot to the piece.
thanks for the read.