What Elephants Remember

[Todd]

Hi Geoff,

The revision is a step forward. Here are the things that still feel a bit off to me:

V. 3

What Elephants Remember

Behind the maps to water holes,
one matron keeps locked in drawers--maybe "away" instead of in drawers
photographs of her mother's--another vote with tec on images
bone and silent ivory.

To a calf, those tusks had hung--again tec's her comment is good unless your having her simply reflect on the span of a life. Though reflecting that her child will one day go the way of her mother could still justify her
overhead like strokes of thunder
chiseled from a cloud of grey,

stiffened into marble headstones--maybe cut headstones and alter to stiffened into the marble of the grave
at the grave. The softened blades
fed her mother when the fields--really like this sequence how you develop it

dried, and soothed her jaws when passing
teeth too old to grow again;
held her head when death refused.--nice

Queens cannot give back a crown,--not liking queens though the taking of a crown isn't bad in itself
just a name to those buried
in Uganda grass, not knowing
how it hurts to forget.--I like the addition of Uganda grass and how it leads to the ending.

So, a definite step forward. I also like the new structure it feels less forced.

Best,

Todd