07-10-2012, 11:41 AM
Final thing on the edit Indie 
... i don't think "that I watched her drink" (in stanza 2) is a particularly strong enough line to stand on its won; there's nothing of interest in it. Just my take. Aside from that, everything else was good for me
... i don't think "that I watched her drink" (in stanza 2) is a particularly strong enough line to stand on its won; there's nothing of interest in it. Just my take. Aside from that, everything else was good for me
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?