07-09-2012, 05:14 PM
(07-09-2012, 09:15 AM)Philatone Wrote:i like what you did with the 1st stanza.
v2. still working on final stanza. minor changes thanks to billy
Matriarchs may store the most
in their cerebellum drawers:
shelves of maps to water holes,
photographs of their mothers'
bone and silent ivory,
white as marble torn from mines. works better
To a calf, those tusks had hung
in the air like strokes of thunder i liked addy's idea that air wasn't the best phrase
chiseled from a cloud, only
to unravel into plated this line is still a little confusing though i'm sure it's my fault
pulp and blood as an adult,
who may pass a graveyard with
names for every body buried
in the softened grass, not knowing
how it hurts to forget, too. it's that [commar (,) too] thats messing it up for me.
V. 1
Matriarchs may store the most
in their cerebellum drawers:
shelves of maps to water holes,
photographs of their mothers'
bone and silent ivory,
white as marble in a field.
As a calf, those tusks had hung
in the air like strokes of thunder
chiseled from a cloud, only
to unravel into dentin,
pulp, and blood as an adult,
who may pass a graveyard with
names for every body buried
in the softened grass, not knowing
how it hurts to forget, too.
