07-08-2012, 04:21 PM
I don't know. I don't think the form is the problem with this, I think it is the lack of imagination. This comes across like a lot of the religious poetry you see on AP, et al. It's just too heavy on the proselytizing. I also think you are reaching way to far to make a point. Evidently it is easier to make an unimaginable amount of little plastic balls, than it is to clean the sand. Also, you would tend to see aluminum and plastic in the water instead of glass, as no one uses glass bottle anymore.
I'm not sure what effect you were trying for with such phrases as
"take a barren romantic walk across
dreamy dunes derived of petrochemicals,"
Why would the romantic walk be barren and the dunes dreamy?
It would be better to say "take a once romantic walk across dunes now made from petrochemicals."
But still, it's a bit of beating a dead horse. Beaches are now plastic instead of sand, oceans are full of human shit, skies are polluted and no more ozone hole, got it. The problem is, except for the ozone hole, all of these things have improved in first world countries, pollution of this kind was much worse when I was younger. In third world countries it is different. In 1991 when I was in Bangkok this sort of pollution was very much in evidence, especially in the large river that wound through the city. It is a major transportation artery and it plied by long skinny boats using two stroke engines to turn the propeller at the end of a long shaft. Not only is the water a disgusting brown, but it smells like a sewer, and I swear I saw more than a few chunks floating by. All of the natives know not to even touch the water as it is so toxic. I was told that all the sewage for the area was dumped into the river, and the waste of 10 million plus people is considerable. However, not far away there are islands out in the ocean that this river empties into and the water there is as nice as in the Bahamas. I am not suggesting we dump our sewage into the ocean, but were we to do so one would only see local effects, it would not turn the ocean brown. Now if you want to talk fertilizer run off from farming creating red blooms and dead fish you could make a point, but natural human excrement doesn't appear to present the sea with too much of a problem.
Dale
I'm not sure what effect you were trying for with such phrases as
"take a barren romantic walk across
dreamy dunes derived of petrochemicals,"
Why would the romantic walk be barren and the dunes dreamy?
It would be better to say "take a once romantic walk across dunes now made from petrochemicals."
But still, it's a bit of beating a dead horse. Beaches are now plastic instead of sand, oceans are full of human shit, skies are polluted and no more ozone hole, got it. The problem is, except for the ozone hole, all of these things have improved in first world countries, pollution of this kind was much worse when I was younger. In third world countries it is different. In 1991 when I was in Bangkok this sort of pollution was very much in evidence, especially in the large river that wound through the city. It is a major transportation artery and it plied by long skinny boats using two stroke engines to turn the propeller at the end of a long shaft. Not only is the water a disgusting brown, but it smells like a sewer, and I swear I saw more than a few chunks floating by. All of the natives know not to even touch the water as it is so toxic. I was told that all the sewage for the area was dumped into the river, and the waste of 10 million plus people is considerable. However, not far away there are islands out in the ocean that this river empties into and the water there is as nice as in the Bahamas. I am not suggesting we dump our sewage into the ocean, but were we to do so one would only see local effects, it would not turn the ocean brown. Now if you want to talk fertilizer run off from farming creating red blooms and dead fish you could make a point, but natural human excrement doesn't appear to present the sea with too much of a problem.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.