07-08-2012, 06:01 AM
I love the invocation of the senses in this poem, particularly the sounds -- it's very vibrant and there's a strong feeling of loneliness and isolation even in company. "Brown sideboard, aspidistra" reminds me of my grandparents' house when I was growing up, so the images have a retro feel about them. I'm glad you put in the carol singers or I'd have missed Christmas since I keep forgetting it's cold in December where you folks are 
-- adding the Christmas element highlights the sadness of the situation and also enhances the ritual notion (it's the same every year). I think pretty much the only thing I'd do to this is add a colon after "flame" in S2.
Great read, Ray, I've returned to this several times now and it keeps getting stronger -- that's always a good sign.
-- adding the Christmas element highlights the sadness of the situation and also enhances the ritual notion (it's the same every year). I think pretty much the only thing I'd do to this is add a colon after "flame" in S2.Great read, Ray, I've returned to this several times now and it keeps getting stronger -- that's always a good sign.
It could be worse