Bleach

[addy]

I do get the string of thought thing, and structure-wise you could compare it to a song with "verses" (where most of the interesting meat is, I think). The rundown of metaphors, I thought, were good overall. They work fantastically when they are direct and down-to-earth.

The other stuff in between... didn't grab me at all. Lines like these:
I want to shut my eyes,
pretend that I am wise,
hope my words make sense,
this doubt held in suspense.
I know it's attempting to give some context to the narration, but it just reads as generic and vague to me. as a reader, it barely tells me anything. I think the worst offender might be the first stanza though, which seems highly irrelevant to the rest of the poem. You can cut it out without much fanfare, imo.