Lilyism

[addy]

This was a really fun read. The comments I made below are just minor nits

Lily wakes up prematurely doesn't have the same 'zing' or attitude as your other lines, i think
make-up lipstick powder nose

Lily pads and prowls the lounge like the pun, but not sure if its worth the awkwardness of the phrasing
pirouettes expensive toes

Lily looks askance at laundry
socks and knickers decompose

Lily puts her records on is this meant to be a lyrical reference? If it is, I accept that. If not, needs a wee bit more zing for me.
harmonising talent shows

Lily practises her smile
wearing pantomimic clothes

Lily chats on MSN
emoticonic overdose

Lily taps and points her feet
at the apostolic rows

Lily snaps her fingers- snap!- not feeling the repetition of snap
the boys adopt a slavish pose

Lily is beside herself
third person singular she goes Great, great close