Model Husband

[penguin]

She scrubs up well does my missus,
in her dungarees and cape;
I experience what bliss is
when I gaze upon her shape.
For although her hair is thinning
and several parts are growing fat
there aren’t any other women
who can make me feel like that.
In her eyes the stars are swimming
without artificial gloss
and I have to say no thank you to Kate Moss.

Since she split up with Pete Doherty
I’ve attracted Kate’s attention;
her efforts to get off with me
have been gathering momentum.
She writes, “Dear Ray” from St Tropez,
“I want to be with you so much!”
She beseeches me to run away
and live with her over the brush.
She holds the hope that we’ll elope
to Tenerife or Barbados
but I have to say no thank you to Kate Moss.

It ain’t that I don’t fancy Kate
and her legs so long and lissom,
but Kate does not appreciate
the strength of the competition.
They say Kate only shifts her ass
out of bed for a grand or more,
but for every pound of flesh she has
my missus has three or four.
When you weigh it in the balance
I’d be suffering a loss
so I have to say no thank you to Kate Moss.

My missus makes lovely lasagne,
curry and chilli con carne;
that toffee stuff with banana –
Kate Moss couldn’t make a sarnie.
After a hard day at the office
I’d return asking “Tea ready yet?”
She’d be in bed drinking coffees
and smoking cigarettes.
Yes, I’ve thought about a threesome:
it would be too much of a squash
so I have to say no thank you to Kate Moss.

While she’s snorting coke and smoking dope
and overdosing acid
I’m popping little pills in hope
my vital parts aren’t flaccid.
She’s sniffing far too many lines
and damaging her septum;
I’m sipping far too many wines
and losing my erection.
I’d love to please but these dodgy knees
can pay homage to only one boss
and I have to say no thank you to Kate Moss.