Just Another Haze

[tectak]

@tectak

Well, I don't think playing on a cliche is the same as just using one : P But point well taken.

I don't think I really need to explain what they are submitting to, as the entire poem revolves around a single subject. I understand you feel the need to dig around meanings, but if people can understand, I think it is acceptable to bend rules a little. It only becomes a problem when people (generally) don't get it, and most people I've shown this poem to understand at least most of it.

I don't think it's a forced rhyme so I'll be leaving it in, but that is opinion. I only consider a rhyme forced if it doesn't fit the context.

I'm exactly the sort of person who plays with language and enjoys it. As long as I am understandable, I don't frankly care. I find pedantry amusing but I don't take it to heart. You would probably cringe if you could hear half the words me and my friends come up with, mostly things like "shminky" (dirty) - "mud fluppet" (wasted) - "gunty" (something rude) - "durdle" (applies to anything really) - "jerbs" (things) and other such nonsense. The worst part is you end up using it around normal people and they get confused. Although for some reason people seem to accept jerbs as a word : P I do try and refrain from using it in poetry/any other writing if I can help it. Which is why I did not include staticity. I think forsaken can stay though. I think it still fits in fine. Alas I lack your passion for defining words that strongly.

I don't think I need to divide it. It's a secret delight, in my view.

I might change dire though. I'm not particularly fond of it. Do you have any suggestions?
Try "for this secret desire, a hidden price"....or just make up a word
I always listen to critics and almost always use some of their advice, however I also think people are potentially wrong and sometimes I might be right. I just go with what I feel and think and hope it creates something good. I'm not trying to be argumentative! I'm just defending the way I think. I still understand and accept everything you say - after all, we're all entitled to our own opinions. Many celebrated poems bore the crap out of me and I'm not particularly a stickler for rules and regulations. I like my poetry to make sense and have correct spellings/punctuation/etc. but I think a bit of freedom is always good for the old creativity. I know not everybody appreciates this though, and that it isn't the only way to create poetry. We're all free to do what we want with it, really.

Thank-you for taking the time to read my poem and make suggestions. I really enjoy getting feedback positive or negative c: