The Coat of Alfred Meyerstein:

[Philatone]

hey billy!


this was a piece whose topic feels grand, but the execution felt a bit flat for me. the manner in which it is delivered is a little flat and detached (third-person with the repeated use of Alfred/ he; constant description and "reporting" of events). maybe that is fitting for the topic, but I never felt as involved as I would have liked. getting into the gritty details...

Alfred wears a WWII German greatcoat;
the three bullet holes in the back indistinguishable...perhaps the "in the back" is important, but I didn't feel it for this piece. the more important detail for me seems to be the jacket itself having once belonged to a German. trimming those words could give the line more agency and momentum. likewise, "indistinguishable" as a word stole some momentum for me
from a dozen or more ragged round moth holes. ...again, the idea felt a little smoother than the execution for me.
Its greatness all the greater for their hunger. ...punctuation may be throwing this off (why is it a separate sentence?); the line itself feels like an addition that may not be needed.

Alfred killed frightened Germans for a living ..."for a living" felt like extra
he enjoyed gliding over them with his tank
it dulled the grating of his tracks on harsh earth;...this line and the one before could be combined, rather than starting each with separate ideas (e.g.... ...gliding over them with his tank/ as they dulled the grating...)
only for a perceptible second or so, but he knew
he'd caught one or two of the slow scared bastards.
Underfoot was quagmire, men slipped and tripped,
in fear the grey-clads scrambled.....a lot of these lines feel end-stopped to me (though punctuation may suggest otherwise); it hurts the pace for me. some enjambment could really spice things up

Alfred often liked to stop and better see them flee,..."often" felt a little extra
crawl, and try in vain to haul themselves up and over...need both "up" and "over"?
steep walled ditches that gave little or no purchase.
Leather-gauntleted hands slipped on root and stone alike. ..."gauntleted" wasn't very fun to read
Waterlogged boot conceded failure to cold wet mud....this "failure" feels too abstract for me, though it does have a sense that speaks to the poem. entirely personal preference. on a different note, for a piece with a detached feel, a lot of attention is really being brought onto these fleeing men...
It was in these times he'd light one of his stubby cigars;
the same shape as his shells, he'd commandeered them
from a bloodied black dress-shirt pocket of the hierarchy.
Dead Waffen-SS officers had no taste; no need to smoke, except
in hell with all dead Jews sent Courtesy of Belsen's bakery.

Alfred tugged a mouthful of acrid smoke into his lungs...really liked this line
and smiled a Jewish smile as he bagged himself a trophy.
He also took his eighth iron cross, this one for his dead wife.

Alfred liked to wear the skin of a dead German soldier....another good line for me

chew on some of this; hopefully, one or two things may prove useful