A Voice from the Flames

[addy]

I looked over your shoulder as you chose CDs,
your thin white fingers stroking the case
of an album depicting my face. For me, the opening is interesting but it only starts to get strong around this third line. Maybe just a tiny tweak in the first line could give it that extra hint of build-up
Your hair was long and innocent,
my breath disturbed it like the wind
in a monastary garden, rich with what's alive. i love these three lines.
I was there when your neighbour buggered his wife;
they grunted like my pigs when fed
the fingers of your darling kind, who can should this be "could"? not too sure only scream.

I tapped on the windows of this very church,
and you thought I was just a dream,
lingering there on the old preacher's tongue,
when to an ageless God he sung.
Your music is wind in the caves of Hell,
your stadiums are my churches, Is this still the same you, or did the POV switch around?
and all the faggotry of men, whose burning bright hair
resemble my flames, will doom you as well. Love this stanza, btw

Really enjoyed reading this Jack. Like how you approached your theme