Still a tear fall

[billy]

remember guys, this is mild feedback, just a couple of pieces of constructive in the poems body then a general chat about the poem down below.

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A single tear falls through the ages of time and dust one of a few cliche in the poem that need reworking
Still it falls
Deep into the spiralling abyss
The eye it fell from
Long has returned to dust has long....
The woman who shed this tear
Once sat in her doorway
Wishing, hoping, fearing
For a truth that should neither be revealed or hidden
But it was
The car pulled slowly up the street
Its paint, black with the dread it held
The door opened, lined with red cloth
The man slowly stepped forward
His chest decorated with the blood of men this is my favourite line, and the image is a clear one
Everything blurred, everything but that man and the car
She could hear nothing, but her heart and breath
That wish was not granted
That hope had faded
That fear
That fear was standing in front of her
A tear falls from her eye
Still it falls
And still it will fall
Into the spiralling abyss
Until it finds the man
It fell for


Thanks

hi w2e4m (that's a mouthfull in one nic

while the poem had a good emotional feel about it i thought it needed more imagery (like the 'His chest decorated with the blood of men' line you used metaphor to great effect. the image of the medals representing the blood of his fallen soldiers made it very personal to the reader. (me) in that line i saw an officer bring sad news about a fallen soldier.
words like truth can be nasty buggers in that they don't really show or carry much in the way of an image. what kind of truth, what kind of hope. what kind of fear was 'that fear' i think the poem has some good potential but it needs some good images in it to replace some of the cliche and intangible words like wishing hoping fearing etc.

most of all
thanks for the read