Just Another Haze

[Universalchild]

Thanks for the suggestions, although I don't want to upset the (however badly created hah) beat by cutting out too many words. I will edit the smog one though, that was how I had it originally and I do prefer it. I think "yet" is needed to connect it together, as it is airless "yet" he can still breathe. I also don't mind imaginative rhymes : P It's quite common for poets to do it and I don't think it hurts the poem at all. Paradise/dice is a very near rhyme, and rapture/recapture is a half rhyme. To my knowledge a forced rhyme is when a rhyme exists purely for it's own sake, like "she was wearing a red dress/and a purple spotty hat/and was eating watercress" and, unlike a slant rhyme, is definitely considered bad writing. A half rhyme or "slant rhyme" is different because it just means words that nearly rhyme. It is used in poetry with a degree of popularity (see Emily Dickinson) and personally I don't think they make a difference. Or, did you mean that those two lines have been forced to fit the poem? Because they do still relate to the content and they also connect that stanza to the next one.

It is meant to be an addicts pad turned opium den. I also described a lot of the effects of heroin - the actual specifics are just shooting up, which I felt didn't need to be said. Do you really think I need to describe it? I kind of prefer vagueness but if it's needed I'll add another stanza. Asides from that, heroin doesn't really "do much" - you might be sick, but that tends to be from doing too much/first time users. There aren't lots of physical side effects from heroin use - as long as you don't OD/stop taking it. The effects of heroin use are much more social and psychological.