(06-21-2012, 02:38 AM)Heslopian Wrote: I release my longing through small doors.
While boiling eggs as you showered
I thrust my hands into the pan, This scene works so damn well, the analogous images just layer beautifully.
holding them there for as long as I could.
I screamed and saw the face of Christ
looming just above the stove.
Vinegar from the sponge in His mouth
dripped into the water,
and I wept with satisfaction. I'd be remiss if I didn't say this is flawless so far.
Later, when you'd come downstairs,
you asked me why I screamed.
I asked you why you didn't run
when you heard me screaming.
I couldn't hold a pen all day.
I told the priest it was an accident
(I'm sure he thinks you're hurting me).
There is a truth somewhere,
in churches, symbols and The Book. nice transition
In accepting this truth I've denied your falsity,
the deceptive fact of your penis,
like songs which heathens promise are pure. This is killing me, since I love this line-- but I don't think its actually needed? "the deceptive fact of your penis" flows well to "when it throbbed against my leg." But perhaps I only think this way because I grew up Catholic, and so the puritanicalness of religion in my mind is alkready salient to me. Other readers, maybe not?
When it throbbed against my leg
as you held me,
your face in a vise,
begging me to handle it,
I closed my eyes and thought of Him.
But of course you went no further.
I know there's goodness inside you,
somewhere beyond that mindless lust,
which views my body as more than a home
for ours and God's children.
As your wife I will help you find it,
as well as your own small doors. Painful and all kinds of fucked up. Well done sir
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?

