Love Letter

[tectak]

version 2:


my ageless earth
let me be your
epheremal
earthworm
and burrow
till nibbana

my fecund valley
let me be your
ocher shrub
and seep in
your essnce

let me

blossom
burst
manifold

as you

guide
yield
fulfil

let me be
born in you
beyond
forever

yes

love

needs
a body
a voice
a phallus
a sky
us

it

transcends
beyond
transparency

permeates
beyond
permanence

binds us
in blessed
synchrony
0of soma
psyche
self

pluck me from
h y p e r s i l e n c e
as I suckle on life force

so lets curl in
our womb
and float
till
nonbeing



-----------------------------------------------------------------------


Be my earth
let me be your earthworm

Be my valley
let me be your ocher shrub[size=xx-small]

let me

blossom
burst
manifold

Be my body
let me be your soul

guiding
yielding
fulfilling

I long to be born in you
beyond and forever
and nourish you
as you nurture me

Yes

Love needs

a body
a voice
a phallus

Love needs a sky-
nude and endless

Love transcends
beyond transparency

Love permeates
beyond permanence

Our love binds us
in blessed synchrony

Momentary and ageless-
concomitant

Pluck me from
h y p e r s i l e n c e

as I suckle on life force

Gently place me
in your womb

where nude sky and
lovelorn earth mingle

your womb of rain

Wait for me to wake up

then we reign
we gain

All space
all time is
us
.

version 2:


my ageless earth
let me be your
epheremal ephemeral

earthworm
and burrow
till nibbana nibbana is not normally considered to be a time dependent state which is approached in serial time. More it is an impossible to define state of bliss which is "achieved", and can be achieved, repeatedly. Incautious use of esoteric terms will always give rise to calls of foul but cultural discretion permits for sagacity amongst the enlightened devotees.......not sure that this reader is up to the understanding required......and I may be in a majority.

my fecund valley you are hoping that fertile and fecund are fungible.....I think notlet me be your
ocher shrub
and seep in not clear. Do you mean seep in as in osmosis or seep in as in immerse. I really doesn't matter unless you are a pedant but what do you want it to mean?
your essnce typo
let me

blossom
burst
manifold

as you

guide
yield
fulfil

let me be
born in you
beyond
forever

yes

love

needs
a body
a voice
a phallus
a sky
us

it

transcends
beyond
transparency

permeates
beyond
permanence

binds us
in blessed
synchrony
of soma
psyche
self

pluck me from
h y p e r s i l e n c e
as I suckle on life force

so lets curl in
our womb
and float
till
nonbeing



-----------------------------------------------------------------------
[size=medium]
.

V2 is less attractive, bad word, than v1 precisely because you have tried for a modification instead of a restructuring. I now find no merit whatever in the form. Are you trying to write verse on a strip of linguine? You have something quite wonderfully fulfilling to write about, something expansive, full and ripe for the telling......why limit your phrasing to thin, mean lines. I doubt that your thoughts are as restricted. Let them burgeon and spread. Suggestion:

Love needs a sky! Naked and endless;
This love transcends the void above and flies
beyond transparency. Ethereal and all pervasive,
even through permanence of time.

This love binds us in blessed synchrony;
a momentary and concomitant state of bliss!

Etc. Etc. So as you have shown yourself to be a reasonable man I hope you will not think me dictatorial......as I said, suggestion only. Put some body into it
Best,
Tectak
This piece us worth the effort.