Love Letter

[billy]

Hi ww6

Be my earth good 1st line. has many connotations
let me be your earthworm feels male orientated as in burrowing into you

Be my valley
let me be your ocher shrub ochre shrub feels to innocuous, and i know of the ocher bust/tree in africa and the ochre bush in australia (i think) which makes me wonder where this fleshy valley is

let me

blossom
burst
manifold i like the word and see what meaning you attach to it and it is the correct usage, but i being male on;y ever see manifold as a machines part on a car engine. also, blossom and burst are actions in the tense used here and manifold is an article.

Be my body
let me be your soul cliche

guiding
yielding
fulfilling

I long to be born in you
beyond and forever
and nourish you
as you nurture me

Yes

Love needs

a body
a voice
a phallus tell me about it

Love needs a sky-
nude and endless great line

Love transcends
beyond transparency

Love permeates
beyond permanence

Our love binds us
in blessed synchrony

Momentary and ageless-
concomitant

Pluck me from
h y p e r s i l e n c e

as I suckle on life force

Gently place me
in your womb

where nude sky and repetition
lovelorn earth mingle

your womb of rain

Wait for me to wake up

then we reign
we gain

All space
all time is
us
.

i like the sparseness of it but i think for it to be so sparse, it needs more powerful words than;

Be my body
let me be your soul

guiding
yielding
fulfilling

I long to be born in you
beyond and forever
and nourish you
as you nurture me which feels a little like an extended cliche.
unlike;

Yes

Love needs

a body
a voice
a phallus with phallus adding that extra push (forgive the pun)

the 2nd part i showed is a strong complete statement, the first one i showed needs to be of similar strength.
in a less sparse piece of writing we can use a few weaker words without them being noticed. but in a minimal piece like this all the words need to count. that said i don't think it needs much of edit to beef it up with some solid feeling and emotion

let me

guide
yield
fulfil you, or not as you see fit

thanks for the read and the first poem of many.