Love Letter

[Wildcard]

Hi whitewand6,
I struggled in reading this, but then again I struggled reading Dr. Seuss to my niece today as well :p

I didn't get a lot of the references although the vibe was very interesting.

Be my earth
let me be your earthworm --a little corny/cliche for my taste

Be my valley
let me be your ocher shrub

let me

blossom
burst
manifold

Be my body
let me be your soul

guiding
yielding
fulfilling

I long to be born in you -- To me this is the first spark of life in this poem. These lines begin to take me somewhere that I like and sound fresh and well-thought-out.
beyond and forever
and nourish you
as you nurture me --nourish and nurture bounce with consonance and really work well together

Yes

Love needs

a body
a voice
a phallus

Love needs a sky-
nude and endless --from phallus to these lines is a nice ride. I'm jealous

Love transcends
beyond transparency

Love permeates
beyond permanence -- the first bounce between nurture and nourish was good, but this is better IMO

Our love binds us
in blessed synchrony

Momentary and ageless-
concomitant

Pluck me from
h y p e r s i l e n c e --awesome use of format to enhance the meaning.

as I suckle on life force

Gently place me
in your womb

where nude sky and --nude sky again? I think maybe you should look for alternatives here
lovelorn earth mingle

your womb of rain

Wait for me to wake up

then we reign
we gain

All space
all time is
us
.

Obviously just my opinion on all counts. Thanks for sharing such a lovely piece.